I was waiting for a train once, and the tannoy came on and said "We are sorry to announce that the 1543 train to Poole is delayed by approximately 21 minutes. We have no reason for this"

Oh, and on the way home, some kid with a bike got into the back carriage, prompting the announcement:
"Could the lad who has just got on the train with his bike please get off and walk down to the cycle area. That's you, the kid scratching his arse in the rear coach."
He left quickly.

Also, on another journey home: "This train will be calling at Sway, New Milton, Hinton Admiral, Christ- no, wait, it won't be calling at Sway or Hinton Admiral. But the rest of them."

While waiting for a train to leave: "This is the guard speaking. This train will not leave for another ten minutes because some idiot in the signal box has screwed up"

And finally for me, when leaving the station, the train was going at about 2 mph and losing power. The driver had just finished doing his general announcements and obviously hadn't shut off the speaker, so we all heard him shouting at the train: "Get a ****ing move on!"

Other amusing ones I have heard about:


"This is Notting Hill Gate, anyone changing here for the Circle line, good luck!"

"So, if you're going to Bristol, Swindon, or anywhere else in that neck of the woods really, change at Wolverhampton, because it's a lot better than Birmingham."

And on the underground, a District Line train To Parsons Green the driver said over the intercom (whispering) "This train is for Parsons Green calling at all the f***ing STATIONS to Parsons Green"
Then about 5 mins after the driver shouted loudly down the intercom "I AM VERY SORRY FOR MY LANGUAGE I HAVE BEEN SACKED YOU WILL HAVE ANOTHER DRIVER AT FULHAM BROADWAY!!!!!!"

Also, go
Here

-- Edited by Culture Slut at 19:26, 2005-08-23