These are the list of users that have access to VIP Forums: Captain Centipede
Carrumbus
Culture Slut
Fahitas
Hitmanx2x
Jerey
Lord Ra
Parpy surfer
Stadman
The Lone Wolf
Wonder_Bob
Keith
A woman puts out an add looking for a man who won't hit her, won't run away with another woman and is good in bed. For weeks she gets no replies until oneday her door bell rings. She opens the door to find a armless, legless leper on her door matt. The leper says "I'm here for the add". The woman says "what makes you think that your going to be a good date?" The leper replies "I have no arms so I won't hit you and I have no legs so I won't run away" and the woman asks "so what makes you think your good in bed?" "well I rang the door bell didn't I?!"
Why did the bird fall out the tree?........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Because it was dead!!!
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IM AMAZING!!! Look I'm a old man in tight clothes!!!
Why did Jamie fall out the tree?........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Because he was in jected with a mild form of the hauntah virus which caused excessive a nal leakage of the phousphrous gland which resulted in main halustinations, leading to him spontainliously combusting & turning into raw meat off a cazzoo!!!!!!!
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IM AMAZING!!! Look I'm a old man in tight clothes!!!
2 whales turned a ship over with their blow holes.Can we eat the crew said one?No said the other. I didn't mind doing the blow job but i won,t swallow the seamen...
Yasser Arafat is to wear Paul Gascoignes kit at his funeral. His last words were 'please bury me in the Gazza strip!
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way
Why did the Princess cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.
What's the difference between Manchester United and Ayrton Senna? Manchester United can take corners...
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor
Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
You know, I can still remember when Princess Diana died - she was all over the radio. And the steering wheel. And the dash-board. And the wind-screen. And the...
2 irish men, paddy and murphy are walking along and they come to a bridge, and see they see 2 men on the bridge. one man is holding the other man by his ankles, and dangling him over the edge of the bridge, and when he pulls him up the man has caught a fish from the river below.
paddy and murphy say to the 2 men "can we have a go at that?" and the 2 men say "no **** off get your own bridge"
so paddy and murphy wander on, and come to a bridge with no one else on it, so paddy grabs murphys ankles and dangles him over the bridge.
5 minutes later paddy shouts down to murphy "have you caught any fish yet murphy?"
murphy replies "no, just give me 5 more minutes"
paddy waits 5 minuites, and shouts down to murphy "have you caught any fish yet murphy?"
murphy replies "no, just give me 5 more minutes"
paddy waits 5 minuites, and shouts down to murphy "have you caught any fish yet murphy?"
murphy replies "no, just give me 5 more minutes"
5 minutes later paddy hears a shout from murphy "paddy pull me up!!! pull me up!!!"
he shouts down "what murphy, have you caught a fish yet?"
murphy shouts back "no, for the love of god!!! pull me up, the trains coming!!!"
