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Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion ****ing chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor ****ing 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to a travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that bill gates is going to give you and everyone you send this e-mail to $1000? How stupid are you? Oooooh, looky here! If I scroll down and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every playboy bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of ****ing bull ****.
So basically, this message is a big **** YOU to all the people out there that have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Caesar in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it’ll be in the Guinness book of records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
**** them!
If your going to forward something, at least send me something mildly ****ing amusing. I’ve seen all the ‘send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don’t ****ing care. Show a little intelligence and think about what your actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain letter type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Keep scrolling
No, really, go on and make one!!!
oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
STOP!!!!
Wasn’t that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I'll do. First of all, if you don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by mad goats and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure,
It’s true! Because, THIS letter isn’t like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! really!!! Heres how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be ****ed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be ****ed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be ****ed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be ****ed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good luck!!!
Chain letter type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents and no goats. This little boy’s life could be saved, because every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the little starving legless armless goatless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the e-mail's sent and this is all a complete load of bull****. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and remember - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will instantly die.
Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school one Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drain pipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This could happen to you!!!
Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
This could happen to you too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.
FRIENDS:
A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of ****, and your breath smells like you’ve been eating catfood.
A friend is someone who likes you even though your as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who pretends to like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much english...no, sorry that’s the cleaning lady.
A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll never have sex ever again!!
The point being? If you get some chain letter threatening to leave you shagless and luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it’s funny, send it on. Don’t **** people off by making them fell guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you’ll end up like miranda. right?
Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you’ll find all your underwear missing tomorrow morning!!
Ok, lets start with: BAH! Now something a bit faster:
I hate purity, hate goodness I don't want virtue to exist anywhere I want everyone corrupt
I am an architect, they call me a butcher I am a pioneer, they call me primitive I am purity, they call me perverted Holding you but I only miss these things when they leave
I am idiot drug hive, the virgin, the tattered and the torn Life is for the cold made warm and they are just lizards Self-disgust is self-obsession honey and I do as I please A morality obedient only to the cleansed repented
I am stronger than Mensa, Miller and Mailer I spat out Plath and Pinter I am all the things that you regret A truth that washes that learnt how to spell
The first time you see yourself naked you cry Soft skin now acne, foul breath, so broken He loves me truly this mute solitude I'm draining I know I believe in nothing but it is my nothing
Sleep can't hide the thoughts splitting through my mind Shadows aren't clean, false mirrors, too many people awake If you stand up like a nail then you will be knocked down I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else
I am stronger than Mensa, Miller and Mailer I spat out Plath and Pinter I am all the things that you regret A truth that washes that learnt how to spell, learnt to spell
So damn easy to cave in, man kills everything So damn easy to cave in, man kills everything So damn easy to cave in, man kills everything So damn easy to cave in, man kills everything
Please cease from refraining from forgetting to stop not mallesting him.
Who?
John.
And the elephants will get out and forget to remember what you said.
I walk in the air. Through the rain, between myself and back again. Where? I don't know.
She parks her car outside my house and, takes her clothes off. She says she's close to understanding jesus.
Cheese you say.
Laughing with your mouth closed is an objective sport that requires a great deal of determination and the use of your pen.is.
So that's how you spend your summer evenings is it? I was always worried about the way you excrete those pineapples so regularly.
Mmm. Apples made of pine.
Unagi (oon-aag-ee) is a state of total awareness. Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
Woh! I'm sorry my testacle seems to have fallen off.
So is that only on tuesdays or do you provide this service seven days a week?
My grans pet dogs original owners aunties sister-in-laws boyfriends half brothers distant relative from Germany's friend who is a professional ball thrower could throw further than you!
Um. Your bum is dribbling.
Could you please be careful! Your stepping on Mr Undoubtable's coat!... Wanker.
Mr Undoubtable saves the day again by Shalahk slapping his enemies to death.
Take another step closer and I'll rape you.
I think we better walk the other way because there is a lesbian over there.
Duck! It's a homosexual!
Now that's what I call wibble 2004!
__________________
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
hoovering
